For those of you who enjoyed the premiere of America’s Next Top Model (aka The Tyra Banks Ego Destroyin’ Hour) last night, you are probably wondering the same thing as we are. What happened to couture’ wearing for Jesus, “that was my catwalk, meow” stepping, grandma’s lucky floppy hat wearin’ Amber?
Jesus’ shortest cheerleader (this cycle of ANTM is only featuring girls under 5’7 in some sort of Tyra attempt to give validation to short girls who crave modeling careers despite that being sort of an oxymoron in the fashion industry) was the stand-out crazy last night. Amber, 18, was called down to join the final 14 at the end of the first hour of the CW’s top rated program despite giving off a serious need for Thorazine and a designer straight jacket (“No, Amber, you’ll be hugging yourself in this beautiful canvas top with straps for Jesus, sweetie! Just think of it as a fashion show except it’s in a locked psych ward!”).
But when Ty Ty’s Demeaning Fest commenced it’s second hour, the Oceanside, CA native was nowhere to be found. They even brought back a girl with horrific eyebrows (eyebrow threading is scary) who had been shown the door to take her place! Mr. Jay (you might know him better as the silver-haired, orange smeared gay Oompah Loompah who functions as Tyra’s “art director” for the photoshoot) told the gals that Amber had to bow out for “personal reasons.” What were those reasons?
The CW hasn’t released a statement as to why Amber was absent from the competition so suddenly.
The incredibly loony Amber was fully for Jesus, which she exhibited by howling his name every five seconds. Did Jesus come down from the heavens above and tell her to hold up on exploiting his name for a reality show? Even Jesus recognizes that the CW isn’t the most prestigious network. Either that, or Miss Amber got herself committed somehow. Probably for the best. Check the video above.
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