Christopher Meloni covers the September issue of Men’s Health, mostly to promote Law & Order: Organized Crime. That’s the “spinoff” show which is the grand return of Meloni’s massively popular Elliot Stabler character. Meloni spent years as Stabler on Law & Order: SVU, where he was beloved by fans and by his work partner Mariska Hargitay. The whole reason why Stabler had to “leave” was because Meloni’s contract negotiations broke down. Anyway, Meloni is back and more popular than ever. People love him, love Stabler and love the Meloni Butt. Some highlights from this Men’s Health piece:
On Stabler in 2021: “[He’s in] a world he doesn’t understand. You know, you’re a white cop of a certain age, you’re not allowed to do a lot of things, and you’re being challenged on your bona fides on both sides. How woke are you? And how much of a man are you?”
Growing up Catholic: “Going to church was close to death. Saturday afternoon would roll around, and my weekend was over. That’s how much I dreaded going to church. Who exactly is the big dog? I got a Father, I got a Son, I got a Holy Ghost. I remember asking a nun about Jesus and God, and she couldn’t give an answer. I was about nine, maybe 11. I was like, ‘You know, I feel like I’m done.’”
His childhood: “Living in that house was like living in a dark cloud. They were so quiet and so reserved, but you feel it. I just remember always looking around, like, ‘Am I f–king crazy?’” No, Meloni decided. He was acknowledging reality. “Get the f–k out of here. “I could feel it. The trauma of childhood is real. And I carry that with me.”
He developed anxiety when he was on Oz: “When my career started to happen, I could feel it. But I didn’t want to trust it, because I had struggled for so long—or at least it felt like I’d struggled for so long—and I didn’t want it to go away. I don’t know how many people get this opportunity to dream a dream and have it come to fruition. Because everyone does the first part, but to have it come to fruition then starts a whole other journey of Now what? And What is this? And How do you manage? This doesn’t fall under the category of burden or anything like that. It’s just a new world. You’re so used to the old way of: I have to keep this mindset and I’ll just dream a dream. But if the dream actually happens, then you’re like, Okay, now we have to manage the dream. We have to...what do we do, actually?”
He’s not actually well-liked at NBC: Despite his decades at NBC, Meloni says he has few friends there. “I’m just not a showbiz guy,” he says, crediting that to being “horrible” at schmoozing.
He’s enjoying his comeback though: “This time around with the Law & Order ride, I’m not stressed by: Will it go well? Will it not go well? Not that I know how it’s going to go. Just that, eh, just ride. Just do, just be. There are bigger things, more important things. I know how important this is to me, but I have a clearer vision of life. I know a little more about love. I know a little more about real pain. I know about joy. I know better management skills. As you go through life, you get a clearer understanding of things, of your holes and of your gifts.”
On being called “Zaddy”: “I just thought it was a cutie thing. Daddy plus? Daddy platinum? It’s reserved for an older gentleman. How much am I allowed to taste of this fruit? How much am I allowed to enjoy this?”
On his ass: “I catch flies with my ass cheeks, like a Venus flytrap. I’m clever with my ass cheeks!”
He actually talks about why he left L&O: SVU in the first place, but it’s what most of us already knew/assumed anyway: he didn’t like their offer in contract renegotiations and when he countered, he was told it was their way or nothing, so he walked. It’s tough though, because that’s around the time I stopped watching SVU – Meloni and Mariska Hargitay’s chemistry was what made that show work. Anyway, he is a Zaddy and I hope he’s enjoying all of this, the attention, the work, the money.
Cover and IG courtesy of Men’s Health.
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